Expectations And Past Experiences - Emotional And Social Issues: Womens Sexual Health

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Expectations and past experiences

Your sexuality is a natural drive that's with you from birth, but your family, your culture, and your religious background shape your attitudes toward sex. As you become an adult, your own experiences further influence your sexuality. The result for many is a healthy enjoyment of sex, but others may have more mixed feelings.

For example, women — particularly those who came of age before the so-called sexual revolution in the '60s — may cling to the notion that it is improper for "nice girls" to initiate and enjoy sex too enthusiastically. This belief can be damaging for both partners. The woman may feel uncomfortable seeking pleasure, and her partner may interpret this lack of enthusiasm as a reflection of her feelings about him.

Inexperience and embarrassment over discussing sexual matters may hamper people from fully expressing themselves sexually. For example, intercourse alone does not give many women the kind of stimulation they need for fulfilling sex, and uneasiness about discussing the problem prevents some couples from developing techniques that could offer greater pleasure. Compounding the problem, childhood taboos against masturbation may prevent a woman from discovering the means to her sexual pleasure, so she's unable to direct her partner in this regard. A woman may find it easier to forgo her own pleasure than to confront these matters. She may ultimately resort to faking orgasms rather than risk asking for a different approach to lovemaking. When this pattern exists for years, revealing the truth would mean admitting to a longstanding deception, which could shake the relationship.

Alternately, a man may feel his self-worth depends on his ability to please his partner. His focus during sex, therefore, is on performing rather than succumbing to pleasure. If his partner doesn't immediately respond to his efforts, feelings of inadequacy can pervade the relationship, eroding the couple's bond and leading to performance anxiety.

During the early years of a couple's relationship, such missed connections are often masked by priorities outside the bedroom, such as building a marriage, raising a family, and launching a career. However, midlife may be a turning point. Upon reaching menopause, the long-unsatisfied woman might greet the physical changes in her body as a sign that her sexual "duties" are fulfilled. If her husband is still interested in sex, a conflict is likely to erupt.

A much more hopeful scenario is also possible. Midlife and later may be a time when a woman's sexuality blossoms. Women often gain confidence as they mature, and they may be more willing to ask for what they want sexually. Menopause means that women no longer have to worry about pregnancy (or birth control). Often, children are grown and family responsibilities have eased, allowing a couple to engage in more relaxed and spontaneous lovemaking. In addition, the changes a man is experiencing during these years, such as slower erections and longer time before ejaculation, lend themselves to the kind of pleasurable play that a woman may have been missing out on before. For a couple wishing to embark on the more positive course, the key is to begin to unravel negative patterns. To do this, you must open up a dialogue.

Last updated:	January 23, 2007