Domestic Abuse

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Topic Overview

Everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger and arguments are normal parts of healthy relationships. But anger that leads to threats, hitting, or hurting someone is not normal or healthy. This is a form of abuse. Physical, verbal, or sexual abuse is not okay in any relationship. When it occurs between spouses, partners, or in a dating relationship, it is called domestic abuse or domestic violence.

Domestic abuse is also called intimate partner abuse. It is not the same as an occasional argument. It is a pattern of abuse used by one person to control another. Abuse includes:

• Hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, shaking, slapping, kicking, pinching, choking, or burning, or threats to hurt you, your children, or pets. Drugging you with medicine, tying you up, and physical punishment of any kind also are kinds of abuse.
• Controlling behavior, such as limiting contact with your family or friends, or limiting you access to money.
• Not trusting you or spying on you, such as repeatedly calling, text messaging or e-mailing, or checking up on you for no good reason.
• Name-calling, insults, threats, or putting you down in front of others.
• Preventing you from using birth control or from protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
• Forcing you to have sex or do other sexual acts. This can range from unwanted touching to rape, sodomy, forced nudity, forcing you to watch pornography, or forcing you to act out pornography.

Domestic abuse is a common form of violence and is a major problem. About 25% of women and 8% of men in the United States have been physically or sexually abused by a partner.¹ It can happen to anyone, at any age, no matter what race or religion they are, no matter what their level of education is or how much money they make.

• Teens may experience dating abuse.
• Older adults can be targets of both domestic abuse and elder abuse.
• Men can be abused in relationships.

Abuse can cause lasting health problems and emotional pain. You are more likely to have long-term health problems if you have an abusive partner. Women who are sexually abused by their partners have more sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

During pregnancy, abuse can cause problems such as poor weight gain, infections, and bleeding. It may increase your baby's chance of low birth weight, premature birth, and death.

Abusers often blame the victim for the abuse. They may say "you made me do it." This is not true. Every person is responsible for his or her actions. They may say they are sorry and tell you it will never happen, even though it already has.

Once abuse starts, it usually gets worse if steps are not taken to stop it. If you are in an abusive relationship, ask for help. This may be hard, but know you are not alone. Your family, friends, fellow church members, employer, doctor, or your local YMCA, YWCA, police department, hospital, or clinic can help you. These national hotlines can help you find resources in your area. Call:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline toll-free 1-800-799-7233.
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline toll-free 1-866-331-9474.

Review the Emergencies and Check Your Symptoms sections to determine if and when you need to see a doctor.

Last updated:	May 06, 2008
Author:	Jan Nissl, RN, BS
Reviewed By:	William M. Green, MD - Emergency Medicine, Brigid McCaw, MD, MS, MPH, FACP - Family Violence Prevention
Editors:	Susan Van Houten, RN, BSN, MBA, Tracy Landauer