Cheating Myths and Facts
Cheating Myths and Facts
By Vicki Salemi
Not everyone cheats, but a lot of us do. According to a 2006 report on sexual behavior by the National Opinion Research Center, nearly a quarter of married men and 13 of married women have had an affair. But there's more to infidelity than you think. The truth may surprise you.
Hormones affect fidelity
Yes. Women with high levels of the sex hormone oestradiol may be more likely to commit adultery, according to a new study by psychology researchers at The University of Texas at Austin. Women with high levels of oestradiol, an ovarian hormone linked to fertility, felt more attractive and were more likely to flirt, kiss and have a serious affair with a new partner. Additionally, oestradiol levels were negatively associated with a woman's satisfaction with her primary partner. Researchers posit that the findings show that highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by long-term partners and are motivated to seek out more desirable partners. However, they're more likely to be serial monogamists than engage in casual sex.
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Cheating is all about sex
Not so, says Scott Haltzman, MD, a clinical professor at Brown University and author of ''The Secrets of Happy Married Men.' Cheating can occur on an emotional level without any sexual contact. Friendship becomes emotional infidelity when there is an emotional intimacy, sexual tension and is kept secret or outside the marriage, says Dr. Haltzman.
People cheat because they've fallen out of love
"Few affairs begin because one person feels like they no longer love their spouse or partner," says Dr. Haltzman. "They may not be happy at the moment but it doesn't mean there isn't any love." Reasons for cheating often point to other issues in the relationship, such as the husband needing an ego boost from a woman not his wife, or the wife looking for more attention than she gets at home.
People cheat only with hotter, younger people
If Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are any indication, the unfaithful don't necessarily gravitate to the hotter, younger. An affair is often rooted in a void in your current relationship, says Matt Titus, a relationship expert and author of 'Why Hasn't He Called?' "You cheat because you're looking for what your spouse or partner doesn't have." For example, some cheaters are blind to looks but bedazzled by wit, wealth or intelligence.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
"When you learn by loss, you see repercussions for your actions," says Titus. A reformed adulterer from his first marriage (which ended in divorce), he says he's felt the consequences of his infidelity and matured emotionally from the experience. He's now remarried. "I was given a second chance. I would never cheat on my wife, so once a cheater, always a cheater is not always true."
A marriage can't withstand cheating
"An affair doesn't have to be a death knell to a relationship," says Dr. Haltzman. "It can be a wake up call instead." If you look on the bright side, an affair can be a springboard to open a dialogue via counseling sessions to discuss the underlying problems in the relationship. "A marriage or relationship absolutely can withstand cheating."
One-time cheating is no different than an affair
"It is different," says Rhonda Fine, PhD, a clinical sexologist and diplomate of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. "One-time cheating still breaks a bond of trust in your relationship, but affairs are much more emotionally vested than a one-night stand." In both cases you've disrespected your partner and marriage vows, but ongoing affairs could be worse, as they often lead to emotional intimacy.
Women don't cheat
Oh yes they do, corrects Dr. Fine. "As women are more involved in the workforce and travel on business trips, they encounter more situations which make them prone to cheating." Plus, Dr. Fine says women bond more easily than men. "When they work closely with men, they feel more emotionally vested in the relationship."
Men cheat because they're not getting enough at home
There are a variety of reasons why people cheat, and it's not always about the sex, says Dr. Fine. "People cheat because they're selfish, immature or narcisstic. Or they're excitement junkies and attracted to the drama. They put their needs ahead of others and rarely blame themselves why they cheated in the first place."
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Recent Comments
GWAPA2009 10:47:21 PM Jun 19 2009
it's not friendship but love, committment and moral values in life. in the first place, why marry if you just want to have sex with every male? when you get old and wrinkled, whom will you turn to? wake up Mistress3. . ..
ATONYCLIFTON 11:55:03 AM Mar 25 2009
mixtress3 you are the biggest **** going....why the hell are u married if you still wanna tramp around and act like a *****. you say" there are times we've been with others, and we even tell each other about it, because we're such great friends", do u realize how ridiculous you sound? do whatever the hell ya want and tell anyone ya need to about it but why be married if ya need to do that ??? that's not what marriage is...to get up in front of all your friends and family on your weding day and say you'll be faithful to ONE person ,and then do what u do is just ridiculous, slutty, and ugly. if you can't respect your own relationship (or yourself for that matter), how can u expect us to.? grow up!
MustangWriter 04:05:15 AM Jan 01 2009
I've said it once...and I'll say it a hundred times... Men may be a lion in the boardroom or a tiger on the football field; feared by other men...but they are easily controled by the women they CHOOSE to love. As long as that woman is smart enough to "let" the man thinks that he rules and treats him as such. When women want to "wear the pants" and begin to nag... the male machismo (something inherent in the male) flares up and the relationship is over (at first emotionally and then physically). Women are a man's most motivating force. Do you think men buy fancy sportscars to impress other men? A man will shovel fish heads for a woman he loves because all work no matter how menial becomes a labour of love.
LadKraemer 08:44:13 PM Dec 22 2008
The one thing that I found in any relationship that ends up in the toilet, is when the couple lose their friendship. When you can't be yourself around the person you are married to you end up finding someone you can talk to. In a good relationship you should be able to talk to your other the way you would talk to your best friend, not worring about what she or he will think of you. You should feel comfortable saying off the wall things, like you would with a best friend, and not having to peel the of the wall. Couples become to selfish as they go along. My X and I used to have so much fun, we used to point out good looking people to each other and have fun with it when we first got together. Later in our marriage if I looked at someone we ended up in a fight or if I would point out a good looking guy to her, she would come back with " why, you want me to go to bed with him so you can cheet?". Well that ended the verbal intamacy. that made me find someone that I could be verbally intame
Mixtress3 05:36:24 AM Nov 30 2008
For 14 years we have been through ups and downs, we meet in different cities in hotels , we both work in" THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY" leaving opportunities to travel and stay at the best resorts.We have better sex now ,the begining where the sparks fly higher then any other time for most, 4 us it only gets better, I believe it must not be leagle to feel so good, we role play, try risky things, express all our fantasy's, explore each other and still find new discovories , there has never been anyone I felt so unleahed with, we are in our 40's now,we both know whats out there, INSECURITY, OBSESSIVNESS, JEALOUSY,BAGGAGE and UNHEALTHY CO-DEPENDENT people that need valadation of themselves through others, even through times of no sex, we still kept our friendship alive, we find humor in all tradagies we go through, thats the key, laugh a lot!! I could see ending a realationship, but not without my best friend, and we are one in the same, making it impossible to end this, the attraction is
Mixtress3 05:09:39 AM Nov 30 2008
In this world , the first thing that makes for a great "sex / marrige" is a solid friendship , I have the kind that , I can and do tell him EVERYTHING. There have been times I've been with others and so has he,we talk about it,ot as if it were some "big issue: but as a friend would to another friend.We are both from very bad realationsships and learned what not to do, there are things far worse than giving in to human nature,living with someone that you are miserable with or who does not know the TRUE you, where threr is FEAR there are LIES, my man and I are both SECURE WITH OURSELVES , and would neber dream of leaving each other for any sexual encounter, not that it happens all the time, but when it does ,sometimes within that first conversation, he will either get turned on and say " OK...Tell EVERYTHING, lets just be best friends right now, agree its king of kinky, but it totaly works for us, first of all we are not insecre, happy with our lives in every way, even through times w
ShoKKers 10:50:34 PM Nov 28 2008
This is freakin' ridiculous.What gives ANYONE the right to determine what relationships you should have, or how many relationships? Everyone should have as many relationships as they can ethically sustain...that means they're UP FRONT about them, practice safe sex (if sex is involved) and use birth control. The rite of marriage says to 'forsake all others'...WHY? Doesn't that fly in the face of "love thy neighbor?" My girlfriend and I have all kinds of other relationships, we meet in the middle and have great times and great sex. There's no "Where were you" or "Why'd you look at her" ********. Explore polyamory; you might be glad you did.K.K.www.rockherworld.net
Dirockson 09:18:24 PM Nov 22 2008
jetjackblack, While you might not want mcdonalds every night,... at least your know what your in for with your mate....Varity hum...well you can get a varied sex life with your partner if you both try... it keeps things intersting.... Married sex doesn't have to mean same sex all the time...Yes, sometimes people get board. yes ...but I think that sometimes it's more that you just have an attraction for another person which can happen just cause there is some kind of connection.... that happens..... or something missing or something lacking not just sex in a marriage ...communication....possibly
Dirockson 08:58:09 PM Nov 22 2008
Well that is strange .... where in hollywood???? Most people will try to make a marriage work above all but we are human and as humans we do have are achillies heel ... for men a good looking younger woman comes along and that will turn a guys head at least . Men are always looking so that is why cheeting is eiser for them... Face men get so board so ealsly ... and want the wife to be all like porno flics or mags....or now internet dress me up dolls... sometimes a women can reallly get into what the hubby needs but sometimes women have there own needs and men don't have any Idea ... sex can be fun but women need more....
