Romantic and Sexual Turn-Offs For Men
What Turns Him Off
By Ashley Neglia
You may know just how to get him going, but do you know what little things shut him off? Whether you're on a first date or in a committed relationship. There are certain things women do (or don't do) that can make men stop cold. Ian Kerner, AOL Coach and author of "She Comes First" and "Sex Detox," helps decipher what quashes the male libido.
Cold Fish
When a woman is unresponsive in bed, a guy can feel invalidated, unloved and, frankly, turned off. "If men didn't want a lively, dynamic sexual experience, they would just masturbate," says Kerner. Sex is the physical equivalent to an emotional barometer, and men view it as a conduit for emotion, just like women. "Men tend to be most expressive during sex," he says. So when a woman is unresponsive in bed "it's like having a one-sided conversation."
While women know that outside stress can affect their bedroom behavior, "a guy might really be in the dark and is likely to jump to the conclusion, 'she's not into me,'" says Kerner. So it's important to be honest about what's inhibiting you between the sheets.
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High Maintenance
Tacking on a 45-minute primping session before "a short run to the grocery store" can be annoy even the saintliest of men. While he may appreciate that a woman cares about the way she looks when she's out, there's such a thing as overkill. Men can be just as attracted to women whether they're dressed to the nines or sporting the natural look, but women need to be responsive to what their partner likes about them. "If a woman is changing her outfit every night, wearing tons of make-up, she might be missing that the guy in front of her loves it when she's wearing just jeans and a T-shirt," says Kerner.
The Ex Files
It doesn't matter if a woman's been single for a month or a year, because there's no bigger turn-off than listening to someone talk about her ex. No matter what the context or reason, no man is eager to jump into a relationship if it's clear that the woman he's with isn't over her past.
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Letting Yourself Go
Getting comfortable in a relationship is the equivalent to slipping into your favorite pair of gray sweatpants. But that doesn't mean those same sweatpants should become your wardrobe of choice. "Guys are really turned on by visual stimulus," says Kerner. When you get to the point where you no longer care about the way you look, it sends out a signal that you care less about the relationship and the other person's point of view, he says. It's okay to go casual from time to time. Men love when a woman can be just as confident whether she's wearing a football jersey or heels, but that doesn't mean they're always interchangeable.
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The Flake
It's okay to be fashionably late, but a woman shouldn't leave a man sitting at a restaurant by himself for 30 minutes awaiting her arrival. "It drives a guy crazy and makes him feel like his time isn't valued or respected," says Kerner.
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The Lush
No matter what kind of woman a man is dating, it's never attractive to have to take care of someone who's had too much to drink. While some women may think it's a turn-on to prove how tough they are by going shot-for-shot with a guy, the glory of slamming down that ninth shot of tequila is short-lived when the rest of the night is spent holding your hair back while bowing to the porcelain throne.
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Friend Hater
A surefire way to shut a guy down is to constantly complain about his friends. Having friends fosters a man's sense of individuality and helps him to be a better partner. "Most men are open to constructive criticism about their friends," Kerner says. But a woman needs to be clear about what she doesn't like about her partner's friends -- whether one is exceptionally sleazy or another continuously talks about his sexual conquests -- so he can understand why she doesn't like them. It can't just be a cliché or generalization, like saying that when men get together they go to strip clubs and look at other women. "It has to be extremely rational and make sense," says Kerner. After all, some guys will pick their friends over a partner, he adds.
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Gold Digger
Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but it can be a real passion vacuum if a man feels like he's only valued for his money, says Kerner. In addition, it can be a negative indication of how the relationship will evolve. Expecting gifts for important events, like birthdays and anniversaries, is one thing. But if a woman requires extravagant gifts every time she's taken out, and she never reciprocates, that man won't stick around for long.
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Low Self-Esteem
Plenty of men want to be with a strong, confident woman, so it's a deal breaker if a woman is constantly asking if she looks fat. If a woman is always putting herself down or saying she doesn't feel loved, it's easy for her partner to become frustrated, especially if he feels like he makes a point of making her feel loved, says Kerner.
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Recent Comments
Shralla 04:15:49 PM Apr 30 2009
No lady that goes way out of her way to make herself look "good" is worth my time. I can make a good impression after throwing on a shirt from the clean pile and making sure my hair's not crazy. Why can't you? Makeup every day, a new hairstyle every day, time and money spent worrying about the wardrobe. All intense turnoffs. I won't date anybody who feels like they have something to prove. On that same note, I love girls who are "one of the guys." Being bothered by burping and swearing is childish, and a huge double-standard. I want someone who I can have a good time with, and I can't do that with someone who I feel like I have to censor myself around.
DarkXXDraven 01:21:14 PM Jan 05 2009
i actually like a girl that takes her time to get ready, even if its an hour, shows she cares ow she looks and shows high self esteem, but i like to see the sweat pants too. it means the girl can relax and not stresed out.
Dirockson 03:29:41 AM Jan 05 2009
If you find a guy that can do that you have to hang on to him... but ... the trick is to keep the romance going and the intrest there...both in the bedroom and in a relationship... and fend off boardom.... keep it fresh and exciting...
Dirockson 03:12:51 AM Jan 05 2009
That's odd my man likes me in my carpi sweats with the ties on the bottom says it's sexy.. I were those in the apartment... Button down shirts turn a guys head...a man that excepts plus sized women that is a grand man...and not a slim chick...
Dirockson 03:03:08 AM Jan 05 2009
The one thing I agree is women want good sex too.... but women want to know that we are listened to, cared for, and we are found to be sexy...at any age or stage...and that we are not objects for a man's pleasure but we want to get pleasure fromsex ...but we love when we are flerted with, and there is romance ... most of all if you let a women into your soul...and not keep us far from yours and it doesn't mean you have to spend lot's of money on us , just as simple as candlite dinner and a movie at home.... Culddling and snuggling ... yes minus the farts ...that's a simple girland we aren't all gold diggers wanting to know how much money you have or don't we just want someone who will listen and here us....
Dirockson 02:45:48 AM Jan 05 2009
look when your older You can overlook some things with guys...like a balding and a big belly...if you get to really know the guy , or if they have incridable eyes or if they have respect for you as a person...If they think your still ok too...The problem is ladies and guys people are atracted to eachother by pheromons and it isn't always about how you look....and if it is then you are way too shallow it's weather you have a contection between the two...of you...
Shellfish789 03:16:33 AM Dec 08 2008
To many men think just because hey have money they can go around with big pot bellies...they think this is sexy...Well it is not!...would you like wome to have a big pot belly...this is not sexy and it is a turn off...Please brush your teeth and take a daily bath....I hate smelling that musty man odor...Whew..and last but not least.......stop looking at other women when you are with your women.........do that make you feel like a casanova or something....well you're not...get over it!this is disrespectful...and it make you look like a Azz hole which you are if you do this!Any respectful. sexy men out their e-mail me....
Shellfish789 03:08:37 AM Dec 08 2008
Wow...men and women should respect each other and try to please each other ...and not put to much presure on who should do what etc....Men should know how to please their woman...it is not the 50's ...Women like Good Sex.......not Bad sex.....and yes some men give bad sex...
Katnapn68 02:01:40 AM Dec 08 2008
Men who don't floss and have rotting meat in their molars. Damn that ****'s nasty. Also a guy who has muscles like veal, totally a turn off.
