Truth About American Marriage
Happily Ever After? Indeed
By Karen Asp
A new survey reveals some telling facts about marriage in America.
Marriage has been taking a hit in the headlines recently. Everywhere you look, couples are cutting that knot. Yet the outlook for marriage in this country may not be as bleak as you thought, if the results of a new survey from Parade magazine are any indication.
Parade polled 1,001 married Americans aged 18 and over and found some contradictions to the otherwise bleak news about marriage. For starters, a whopping 88 percent of participants reported being either happy or reasonably content in their marriages. Another telling statistic? Over half of the couples said they were happy in their marriages, half of them using words like "joyful" and "loving" to portray their marriages. What's more, 71 percent of couples said they've stayed married because of deep love while 73 percent cited companionship.
However, when it came to marital satisfaction, the picture wasn't so rosy. Men actually reported being happier than women with 70 percent saying they never think about leaving their wife. Women, however, weren't so optimistic. Over half admitted to thinking about leaving their husbands.
Stand By Your Man
By Gabrielle Linzer
David Duchovny doesn't have much acting to do when he plays a character struggling with sex addiction on the series Californication. Despite his public confession of sex obsession and voluntarily entering a facility for the treatment of sex addiction, Téa Leoni, his wife of eleven years, continues to stand by her man.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Although they recently separated, pictures of Balthazar Getty smooching a topless Sienna Miller haven't completely torn up his marriage with Rosetta Stone just yet. It is rumored that Stone wants nothing to do with her hubby after his very public betrayal, but the divorce papers have yet to be signed.
Donato Sardella, WireImage
Chris Rock's movie, I Think I Love My Wife, may have hit a little too close to home when tabloids began reporting that his marriage to Malaak Compton was on the rocks. People reports that the couple cleared up rumors that Rock was mimicking his character, a married man driven astray by a beautiful woman, by releasing this statement, "We remain, as always, very happy and committed to our marriage and the beautiful family that we have built."
Hector Mata, AFP / Getty Images
Whispers that Matthew Broderick was having his own sex in the city with a woman almost half SJP's age left this marriage in a questionable state. A source in the Daily Mail hints that the trouble didn't start with this infraction, but Sarah isn't jetting any time soon, "Sarah and Matthew have been struggling for years. Now they have decided to make things work - especially for the sake of their son, James."
Dimitrios Kambouris, WireImage.com
A strong public apology and a $4 million purple 8-carat diamond ring were enough consolation for Vanessa Laine to stay married to her husband, Kobe Bryant, who admitted to having consensual sex with a 19-year-old hotel worker who brought him to court for rape and later refused to testify.
AFP/Getty Images
When wiretaps revealed Eliot Spitzer was paying to violate his marriage oaths, Silda Wall stood by the humiliated governor as he kissed his political career goodbye. Although the entire world knows that her husband was galavanting with high-priced call girls, many speculate that Silda decided to stick around for the sake of her daughters.
Timothy A. Clary, AFP/Getty Images
Today we think of him as an enthusiastic cheerleader for his wife's political career, but how can we forget the infamous Monica Lewinsky scandal that rocked the White House during Bill Clinton's presidency? Despite an affair that almost led to impeachment and a previous affair with Gennifer Flowers, Hillary affirmed her strength and her decision to stick by her husband on CBS' 60 Minutes, "I'm not sitting here as some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette. I'm sitting here because I love him."
AP
In typical politician fashion, John Edwards got a little too cozy with a campaign worker and was rumored to have fathered her newborn child. Elizabeth Edwards, ailing from terminal breast cancer, justified her choice to remain in her marriage in a blog post, according to ABC News. She wrote, "Our family has been through a lot. Some caused by nature, some caused by human weakness, and some most recently caused by the desire for sensationalism and profit without any regard for the human consequences. None of these has been easy. But we have stood with one another through them all."
AP
Suzanne Thompson knew her husband, Idaho Senator Larry Craig, as a man who was against gay-rights, not as the man who was convicted of soliciting sexual acts from men in an airport bathroom. Despite this shocking news, her husband attributed his confession to stress and Suzanne maintained his innocence, expressing in an MSNBC interview that she was mostly angry with him for withholding his arrest from her, "There was great disappointment that he hadn't felt comfortable that I would know something about him that was so embarrassing and we worked through it. When we had a quiet moment together at the family meeting with the children, then we talk-- we talked very openly about it."
AP
A surprise teenage love child was one of the first gifts Gwen Stefani received after her marriage to Gavin Rossdale. But despite the existence of Daisy Lowe, a product of a brief fling Rossdale had with Power singer Pearl Lowe in the 1980's, Stefani was intent on hanging on to her marriage and having children of her own. According to the San Francisco Gate, "Gavin Rossdale is amazed [his] marriage survived the media circus surrounding the surprise revelation that he has a 16-year-old daughter, especially considering [he and Gwen] had only just wed." Apparently, there was no doubt in Gwen's mind that this revelation wouldn't tear the marriage apart.
Ethan Miller, Getty Images
Happily Ever After? Indeed (cont.)
So did any of these couples cheat? Absolutely, but surprisingly, especially given the above answers, men were the bigger offenders: 19 percent said they'd had sex outside the marriage -- the majority with two or more people other than their wife. Compare that to only 11 percent of women who admitted to cheating, usually with only one person outside the marriage. (Four percent of women refused to answer the question.)
Here's the kicker, though: When asked how they would handle a cheating spouse, more than half of men and women said they would first confront that person and then try to salvage the marriage.
And finally, the answer to the million dollar question: How often are couples having sex? Less than once a month, according to 31 percent of responders. "A few times a week" was the response of 27 percent. When asked why they didn't have marital sex more often, men overwhelmingly said their spouse wasn't interested. On the flip side, women cited a loss of sexual interest in their bedmate, anger with them -- or both.
Although she was surprised to hear that such a high number of individuals report being happy in a marriage, the rest of the results run parallel to what clients of Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., a psychologist in New York City, are saying, especially when it comes to frequency of sex. "Not having enough time for sex, affection and romance is usually the biggest complaint of one partner or the other," she says.
Yet as many of these married couples know, there's good reason to invest the time in that relationship. "People who are in healthy, happy marriages have less stress, better health and are better able to deal with the challenges of life," Shoshanna says.
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Recent Comments
dinnybbq 10:49:11 AM Feb 20 2009
Marriage is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Too bad many have made it seem so negative with cheating and crap like that.
MsCC827 07:54:29 AM Oct 01 2008
Wow there seem to be a lot of people on here who seem really bitter about marriage. Maybe it's because you were dumped and gee I wonder why that was. I'm sure it wasnt because you were a nasty person to start off with and your spouse decided they wanted to be with someone more pleasant. I hate people whose marriages didn't work out so they try to tell everyone who is happily married that it won't last. Sure, whatever gets you through the cold lonely nights. maybe you should focus on positive thoughts and then you could be happy.
MunkerJ 07:35:43 AM Oct 01 2008
Breeders are fools. Who wants to be submissive? And owned? Fools. Marriage is the death of humanity and one's spirit.And frankly, same sex relationships just work out a lot better. No inequality or sexism. Stupid hetties.
TexasladyJLovee 01:19:49 PM Sep 30 2008
My husband is military........ We do not see each other every day or even that often. He is the Love of My life. We have four children together and have been married for 14 years. The time that we do get to spend together, we make special. Because we are apart, we write letters to each other and when we talk on the phone we listen to each other. I think people forget to listen and to respect one another, to love each other with out strings attached. I raise our four children and never complain. He has a job to do and I have one as well. I believe that a relationship is 50/50. Not because I did this, you have to do this. We tell each other every day how much we love each other, one way or the other. Don't sufficate your partner, trust them to do what is right. Love them because you can and live everyday waiting to grow old together.This is just for what it is worth......................
Maica 01:52:41 PM Sep 29 2008
So here is my opinion on marriage... my husband who, yes this is cliche,is my best friend does just about everything for me. He cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, gets up early every monday while I sleep in, to take the trash out. He truly is wonderful, but at the same time I see it as just a part of being an adult and taking care of your family. So I do not pat him on the back for every little thing. For whatever reason men feel that this is how they express their love and emotion to us. By being a good provider the show they care, to me, sorry guys that's a part of the job. But I know that I must validate him and show him how grateful I am because then he feels more loved and in turn he shows me more love. So, when he comes home and grabs my butt, kisses my neck, or tells me how sexy I look, I just want to jump him right there in the kitchen or put the kids to bed early so we can have sex all night. He wants to be appreciated, I want to feel loved. We meet some where in
DaMomb01 01:47:44 PM Sep 29 2008
i beg to differ with your theory Zazu...I've been married longer than 2 years, but WAITED until I was nearly 30 before tying the knot for the first time. Many people get married so young, which may or may not pose a problem. My marriage is far from "perfect", and my husband and I have our share of difficulties in a blended family, but I would describe my marriage as being joyful, and I am exceptionally happy with my spouse.
