This Is Your Love Life
What Happy Couples Do Right
Courtesy of Women's Health
What major changes happen during the first 10 years of coupledom? We surveyed 1,000 women currently experiencing the decade's ups and downs to find out. If you don't love what the numbers reveal, here's what you can do about it.
What major changes happen during the first 10 years of coupledom? We surveyed 1,000 women currently experiencing the decade's ups and downs to find out. If you don't love what the numbers reveal, here's what you can do about it.
Spice Up Your Marriage
Keeping the Connection
Sex is an important part of marriage. When it's good, couples share physical pleasure and connect emotionally. When it's bad, feelings of depression, anger, or even the collapse of the relationship can occur. Michele Weiner Davis, author of 'The Sex-Starved Marriage,' tells you how to revitalize your most intimate connection with your spouse.
Straight Talk
It's never a good idea to confront your spouse every time you're unhappy. In healthy long-term marriages, couples learn how to choose their words and their battles. Explore the top one or two issues that are botheringyou, then risk sharing your feelings and speak your mind rationally. You'll feel better about yourself and your marriage.
Do What Works
No matter what kind of relationship problem you have, there are times in a marriage when things go more smoothly. Become a student of what's different when things are working -- laughter, kindness, romance. Ask yourself, "Whatwas I doing at that time? What was my partner doing?" Then start doing more of what works.
The Siren Solution
When you show your love for your spouse by placing more importance on your sexual relationship, even if you're out of practice or not feeling particularly sensual, you trigger a solution cycle. Your spouse becomes happierand more loving in return.
The Nike Solution
Just because you're not hungering for sex doesn't necessarily mean you have an arousal problem. For most people, sex is easy to enjoy once they get started. Ignore your inner voice that says, "Not now, I'm too tired," and adopt Nike's slogan: Just do it. And remember, some experts believe that when it comes to libido, people need to use it or lose it.
Embers vs. Fireworks
Couples often flash back to the beginning of their relationship, when hormones were raging and passion was overwhelming. But long-haul sexuality is often inspired by fleeting images such as your husband playing with thekids, your wife dressed in heels or perhaps a movie you found arousing. Don't allow these moments to go unnoticed; act on them.
Focus on the Exceptions
Like a hothouse flower, desire often grows under specific conditions. For some, it's rainy nights. For others, it's a long soak in a sauna while on vacation. Identify what gets your juices flowing, and take advantageof the moment. Better yet, create it yourself. If hot baths turn you on, turn on the faucet more often.
Know Thyself
Everyone is different, so you need to discover the uniqueness of your own sexuality. Become an expert on your own body, which means start experimenting. Watch sexy DVDs, or try lotions or toys. When you're making love, try different positions. See what feels best -- and then let your partner know. It's your responsibility to figure out what feels more exciting to you.
Act As If
If you want to feel more sexual, act more sexual. For many of us, that means thinking back to a time when you felt more sexual and then doing the very things you used to do. Take off those sensible shoes and dumpy khakis. Wiggle into sexy lingerie under a tight sweater or wrap dress. Try spritzing a new perfume behind your ears and below your clavicle.
Novelty
After you've been together for a while, sex often becomes routine. If you're doing the same things in the same order over and over again, you probably won't feel stimulated. You might not reach orgasm. You can improve things by changing the way you approach lovemaking. Be creative and push yourself to keep an open mind. You may surprise yourself -- and your spouse.
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More on AOL Health
You love your guy like a half-off shoe sale. But that's today, and everything still feels warm and fuzzy. What about tomorrow? "The only constant in love is change," says Linda Olson, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and relationship therapist. So ask yourself: Will you still be thirsty for his six-pack in eight years (when it's a two-liter bottle)? Will you want to trade pillow talk for separate duvets after five? And if tots enter the picture, will the cracks from year three become crevasses a decade in? Based on our online poll of 1,000 committed women (and the help of seasoned experts), WH peeks into the future of your vie d'amour and delivers the tips and tricks you'll need to feel mushy forever, and ever, and ever--God help us.
On Pillow Talk
Survey Says:
During their first year together, 68 percent of couples talk and touch after sex. After five years, almost half are still into post-coital cuddling and conversation. But past the 10-year mark, only a third do anything other than nod off.
What gives? In the early stages of "us," we crave heart-to-hearts because, frankly, we don't know our partner very well, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. And it's after sex that you may feel closest--which means it's prime time to spill secrets, confessions, and goals. As years pass, mutual navel-gazing falls lower on our to-do list. "After 10 years, couples are more involved with the world around them than they are with each other," says Haltzman. "They juggle PTA meetings, business trips--they don't have the luxury of staying up all night just to talk."
Love-sustaining strategy Before he falls asleep, ask him those "Have you ever…?" lovey-dovey questions again (we'll bet his answers have changed). It will "restore him as a fascinating, unknown entity in your mind," says marriage therapist Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., Psy.D., author of Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away.
On Getting Freaky
Survey Says:
Until the one-year anniversary, 25 percent try new positions a few times a month. That number drops to 15 percent after five years. After year 10, only 11 percent experiment at the same rate.
What gives? There are only so many tricks in the Kama Sutra, Haltzman says. Early on, couples flex creative muscle to find out what turns each other on. As time passes, "finding new ways to do it isn't as much of a priority because you've already established what works," he says.
Love-sustaining strategy Even if you have no problem peaking, it's crucial to take different routes to the top. "Otherwise, you'll run on autopilot, and passion will fall by the wayside," Haltzman says. Doctor's orders: Create sexual resolutions for the next 12 months (who cares if the first few months of the new year have come and gone?). Discuss ways you'd each like to expand your repertoire and mentally schedule one night a month to try them out. From doing it in a stairwell to reenacting the K-Y wrestling scene in Old School, push your boundaries enough to feel nervous but not so far that you feel anxious. Get your freak on!
Next: More Relationship Strategies
More from Women's Health:
50 Ways to Look Super
Can Men Stay Faithful?
How to Talk to Your Man
On Pillow Talk
Survey Says:
During their first year together, 68 percent of couples talk and touch after sex. After five years, almost half are still into post-coital cuddling and conversation. But past the 10-year mark, only a third do anything other than nod off.
What gives? In the early stages of "us," we crave heart-to-hearts because, frankly, we don't know our partner very well, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. And it's after sex that you may feel closest--which means it's prime time to spill secrets, confessions, and goals. As years pass, mutual navel-gazing falls lower on our to-do list. "After 10 years, couples are more involved with the world around them than they are with each other," says Haltzman. "They juggle PTA meetings, business trips--they don't have the luxury of staying up all night just to talk."
Love-sustaining strategy Before he falls asleep, ask him those "Have you ever…?" lovey-dovey questions again (we'll bet his answers have changed). It will "restore him as a fascinating, unknown entity in your mind," says marriage therapist Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., Psy.D., author of Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away.
On Getting Freaky
Survey Says:
Until the one-year anniversary, 25 percent try new positions a few times a month. That number drops to 15 percent after five years. After year 10, only 11 percent experiment at the same rate.
What gives? There are only so many tricks in the Kama Sutra, Haltzman says. Early on, couples flex creative muscle to find out what turns each other on. As time passes, "finding new ways to do it isn't as much of a priority because you've already established what works," he says.
Love-sustaining strategy Even if you have no problem peaking, it's crucial to take different routes to the top. "Otherwise, you'll run on autopilot, and passion will fall by the wayside," Haltzman says. Doctor's orders: Create sexual resolutions for the next 12 months (who cares if the first few months of the new year have come and gone?). Discuss ways you'd each like to expand your repertoire and mentally schedule one night a month to try them out. From doing it in a stairwell to reenacting the K-Y wrestling scene in Old School, push your boundaries enough to feel nervous but not so far that you feel anxious. Get your freak on!
Next: More Relationship Strategies
More from Women's Health:
50 Ways to Look Super
Can Men Stay Faithful?
How to Talk to Your Man
