This Is Your Love Life

On Sharing Funds
Survey Says:

During years one through three, 75 percent of women keep their bank accounts separate from their partners'. Between years five and eight, 25 percent have three accounts (his/hers/ours). After year 10, 64 percent have just one joint account.

What gives? Dayana Yochim, author of The Motley Fool's Guide to Couples & Cash, credits chromosomes for the flux. "Guys are all about opportunity. But women of all ages are more concerned with financial security," she explains. Because your money MOs don't sync (he wants to gamble on foreign stocks; you'd rather buy low-risk mutual funds), it makes sense to keep things separate. But as you rack up collective bills--car payments, mortgage, baby furniture--a joint account becomes more convenient.

Love-sustaining strategy "Even if your relationship is going great, keep an account of your own," says Candace Bahr, cofounder of the Women's Institute for

Financial Education, who prefers the his-hers-ours route. This way, you'll make long-term decisions and investments together while you continue to build your own credit and a separate nest egg should the relationship, ahem, not work out. How much do you drop in the collective pot? Yochim suggests an equal percentage of your salaries. And make sure there's enough in the account to cover bills for at least three months.

On Socializing Within Your Tax Bracket
Survey Says:

During the first 10 years of being a "we," about half of the couples surveyed consistently choose to hang out with twosomes whose joint income mirrors their own.

What gives? You're not snobs. It's just that birds of a feather flock to the same bistro, says Jan Dahlin Geiger, a financial planner in Atlanta and the author of Get Your Assets in Gear! Smart Money Strategies. People who have the same amount of money to spend on restaurants, vacations, and sports clubs naturally bump into each other more often, and friendships are bound to develop.

Love-sustaining strategy Plan some outings where money isn't an issue--to a minor-league baseball game, for example, or to the park for kickball and sandwiches--and invite your well-off college buds as well as your underemployed actor friends, Geiger suggests. And don't trash invites just because a crowd is too fancy or frugal for you: Shelling out $20 for bourbon at the country club or squatting to pee in a dive bar is worth keeping your social circle from shrinking. "Spending time with friends who have a different economic status invites new ideas and experiences," Geiger says.

On Taking out the Trash
Survey Says:

Over all 10 years, 75 percent of women gripe that men don't help enough with household chores.

What gives? According to Michelle Janning, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington, "women are socialized to be domestic, but we also have a longer list of criteria" about cleanliness and child care. "Our expectations differ about what's 'good enough,'" she says.

Love-sustaining strategy Tweak conventional roles. "A woman who tries to handle chores alone will only place the responsibility for change on herself," Janning says. Instead, split the to-do list down the middle: This means he's on diaper duty while you mow the lawn--and learn to put up with imperfectly folded laundry and dried egg on the dishes.

On Keeping Your Own Company
Survey Says:

As your bond increases, you crave more alone time: Ten percent of women enjoy it during the first year; 10 years later, 23 percent insist on it. What gives? "Women tend to dedicate all their free time to kids, husbands, and jobs--especially in the early years of monogamy," says psychologist Nancy O'Reilly, Psy.D. "After five years, they feel they've earned time for themselves." This doesn't mean that you and your partner are growing apart. "Once you've mapped out mutual interests, it's important to reconnect with your own passions," says Laurie B. Mintz, Ph.D., an associate psychology professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia. "Otherwise, you'll lose yourself."

Love-sustaining strategy Give in to your urge for solo adventures (provided they're not about skinny-dipping with the pool boy), and tell him to do the same. "You owe it to each other to stay ­interesting and bring new ideas to the table," O'Reilly says. "You need to stoke intellectual attraction, despite having talked to each other every day for years."

Previous: What Happy Couples Do Right

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