Are You Getting Mixed Messages?

Mixed Signals

By Robynne Boyd

Clear communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. But it's not always easy to understand the meaning behind your significant other's words or actions -- let alone tiny cues or expressions -- when what they say or do could mean two different things. Are you getting mixed messages?

"Baby, We Need to Talk"

She just uttered the dreaded words. Anxious, you start to nod in agreement at everything she says, leaving her wondering, "Is he even listening to me?" Many men prefer to avoid heart-to-hearts by pretending to agree rather than working on understanding their wife's emotions.

Damage control: Apologize for not listening and prick up your ears.

Flirting or Not?

You're at a party and a guy you've been having a friendly chat with just asked you out, much to your surprise. Did he misinterpret your politeness as a sexual come-on?

Damage control: Men tend to overestimate women's interest in them, says AOL Coach Evan Katz. There's no harm in him asking you out, but in the future try to be more direct.

Please Ma'am, Can I Have Some More?

You love your wife's cooking and count calories all day just to eat up at dinner without guilt. Lately, though, she's refusing you second helpings, leaving you feeling hurt and insulted.

Damage control: Chances are she's just looking out for you. Good thing: Eating too much at the end of the day leaves all those calories unused while you sleep. Use it as an opportunity to savor home-made breakfasts.

Light's Out

You're in the middle of some serious foreplay when your man reaches over and turns out the light as you're both undressing. Ouch.

Damage control: No sense in stopping the momentum to talk. Instead of worrying or trying to read too deeply into the whole thing, just enjoy the moment, says Katz. If he's with you, then he wants you.

I'm All Ears

After returning from a stressful day at work, your husbands sits down and starts to talk. And talk. Wanting to helpful, of course, you offer up a number of solutions, which makes him angry. Huh?

Damage control: He's not asking for advice; he simply wants an ear. Before trying to save the day, ask him if he's open to your suggestions.

Shy and Flirty

There's an attraction between you and a colleague, but he never openly flirts -- and sometimes seems to downright avoid you. Should you just forget about him?

Damage control: Flirting comes in many forms and doses, says Katz. Keep your eyes open. If there's little eye contact, there's probably little there. Move on.

Follow the Money

Your wife has kept a separate bank account for years. You've asked her multiple times to merge the two, but she always politely declines. You're starting to wonder if she's planning a divorce.

Damage control: Women are often advised to keep separate bank accounts to be more independent and to avoid having to "ask" permission to buy things. She's building a nest-egg. Be proud.


The Neg

It's happy hour and a guy you've been eyeing at the bar walks up to you and coyly says, "That black top is very sexy." He pauses, then adds, "It would look much better if it was gold."

Damage control: Sometimes it's hard to know if someone's being rude or if they've just been watching too many episodes of the "Pick Up Artist." Either way, walk away!


Don't Get Teed Off

Your husband has recently taken up golf -- and now he's gone for half the weekend. You're glad he's having fun, but not so much all that fun without you. People can sometimes mistake their partners need alone time for a desire to flee.

Damage control: Stop worrying so much and find your own hobby. In a healthy relationship, maintaining your own unique interests is as important as shared time.