Love and Sex Myths From the Movies
Love and Sex Myths from the Movies
By Mary Kearl
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Making love is equivalent to being in love. Oh, and it also means really great sex. These are just a few of Hollywood's ideas about love and love-making, but how much truth lies in these beautiful, if not simplistic, messages? We discuss the top movie-made misconceptions about romance with noted love and sexual health experts.
A relationship based on a lie can work out
The premise and happily-ever-after-endings of romantic comedies like 'Ten Things I Hate About You,' 'Never Been Kissed,' 'She's All That,' 'Twenty-Seven Dresses,' 'Tootsie,' 'Someone Like You,' and the list goes on, is that a relationship based on a lie can work out, if you are truly in love. Not so, says AOL Love and Sex Coach Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., and author of 'Touch Me There! "Being lied to is one of the biggest betrayals that people have trouble forgiving, especially at the start of a relationship. Most people aren't good at practicing forgiveness and compassion, which are required in starting with a clean slate again.
20th Century Fox
Sex is always pretty, easy and never messy
Making love on diamonds -- sexy, but painful? James Bond and his many, many lovely leading ladies never seem to have anything less than picture-perfect sex. And Halle Berry as Jinx, is no exception in 'Die Another Day.' "If you've ever had sex, you know this is a myth," says Amy Levine, a certified sexuality educator and founder of Sex Ed Solutions. "No one's body is perfect. Sex isn't seamless -- it can involve starting and stopping, condoms are often left out but are necessary to use to reduce the risk of STDs, women don't stay consistently wet, men often don't maintain a rock hard erection from start to finish, positions may change as a couple finds what works for them...the list goes on," says Levine.
MGM
One-night stands lead to marriage, family
The storyline has been told in many ways, most recently in 'Knocked Up,' where a night of risky, unprotected sex leads two strangers to consider a long-term relationship of either parenting, marriage or both. "The odds are against any couple that this can actually work out to a happy and healthy relationship and family life," says Levine, because having a baby doesn't mean two people will be compatible.
Universal
Being in love=great sex
"People love the idea of an instant connection and sexual compatibility," says Dr. Fulbright. "Situations like those captured in 'Titanic' are few and far between, yet people thrive off of them because they are the seeming pinnacle of love, primarily for the ease involved. In 'Titanic,' long-term consequences aren't an issue," but in real life, how does thinking great sex is the equivalent of love look like six months, or a year later?
Fotos International / Getty Images
You have to change who you are to make a relationship work
Sandy from 'Grease,' is just one of the many females leads who changes or gives up some part of her identity to be in a relationship. "When someone tries to reinvent themselves in a way that's not rooted in their true self in an effort to make a relationship work, it only goes so far," says Levine. "The secret to a healthy and lasting relationship that few films reveal: Be yourself."
Getty Images
Love is waiting for you -- you can stumble upon it anywhere
In 'The Wedding Planner,' Matthew McConaughey appears out of nowhere and saves Jennifer Lopez's character from a near-fatal collision with a runaway dumpster and from a lifetime of waiting for love. "Sitting around waiting doesn't generally work because you aren't out there meeting people," says Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., AOL Love and Sex Coach and director of Relationship Education at the Council for Relationships. "The more people we meet the better the chances we can meet a good love match."
Sony
Sex buddies can become long-term lovers
These are some of the troubling Hollywood gloss-overs found in movies like 'Pretty Woman.' "When sex is the foundation -- whether it's sex buddies, friends with benefits, a one night stand, or having sex on the first night of meeting someone -- hoping it will turn into something more is a surefire mistake," says Levine. "The main reason why this relationship ended up working was that expectations were set up from the beginning."
Everett Collection
There is one Mr. Right
Plot lines of romantic comedies often follow female leads like Bridget Jones in their search for a Mr. Right, which can be a good message, if the moral is "don't settle," says Dr. Fulbright. She adds, however, that "there are a bunch of 'Mr. Rights' for people, as some individuals are going to be more attractive in the package they have to offer than others...This outlook becomes unhealthy if you limit it to the idea of there only being one and have 'perfectionist' standards, as that's unrealistic."
Everett Collection
Fate or destiny controls your love life
"Believing in fate is how some people live their lives, and it can work," says Levine, as is the case for Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack in 'Serendipity.' "However," Levine adds, "when free will is taken out of the equation, the passivity can prevent one or both people from going after what they truly want out of a relationship. In this scenario, fate can be classified as settling."
Everett Collection
Recent Comments
SabrinaBethDavis 02:35:36 PM Aug 22 2008
Please help me ban small children from R-rated movies. People's bad parenting shouldn't have to affect movie patrons, especially when we are spending so much to see movies these days. Please sign the petition at the link below. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/childrenandthemovies/index.html
chandlres 11:03:16 PM Aug 21 2008
you've stayed together 20 years IS probably a record in the gay community, I have several gay acquaintances, and they are all as promiscuous or more so than anybody else I know, that is, straight.....
chandlres 10:55:54 PM Aug 21 2008
(quote) together in a loyal, faithful, monogamous relationship for over 20 years. And that we are now married. And that more than 1/2 the straight couples we know have divorced. Maybe that's the secret - straights don't want to consider us as part of the relationship arena because we're BETTER AT IT. (quote)puuuuhhhlease...............where do you people get these ideas???? You've been together 20 years-so what! I've been married 37 years, my parents were married 50 years, my grandparents were married 64 years, on and on and on.....and we all are/were married to people of the opposite sex. That doesn't prove anything, just because you've stayed together for 20 years, and it sure doesn't prove you are BETTER AT IT--just ain't so.....I personally don't care if you want to mate with someone of your own sex, the opposite sex, a turtle, whatever, just quit shoving it in my face and quit acting like you're soooo special for staying with somebody for longer than a one-night stand. BTW, that
Loveli1025r 08:11:12 AM Aug 21 2008
these are movies which make them entertainment and an escape from reality.that is why people go to them.
Hallelueya 09:02:19 AM Aug 19 2008
Love is an action word, easy to say, hard to do. If you can ever get to a level of making love in the spirit you will experience a whole new meaning of what intimacy really is.
FilmCRid 10:20:08 PM Aug 18 2008
True love doesn't consist of holding hands - its consists of holding hearts. The course of true love never did run smooth.
NicholasPerrotta 03:06:01 AM Aug 17 2008
FIrst of all, the movie 'Knocked Up', sucked. Why is it even mentioned again? It should go down to the ash heap of one of the worst movies of all time. The one main idiot - I mean character, Ben Stone (Seth Rogen), was such an: idiot, unfunny, moron and loser wastoid that he was completely unlikable. Even a movie cannot suspend the disbelief that Allison Scott (Katherine Heigl) could ever possibly have even a one-night stand with this ugly idiot. One could only pray during the movie that Allison Scott (Katherine Heigl) would spare herself and half a genetically handicapped baby to dump this loser and never let him into her life. Of course one knows from the beginning that the moron will somehow make some miraculous transformation and be a real man by the end of the movie. Yeah right.....grow up people. And if u like this movie on any level.....get a life!
MarkGods 09:37:50 PM Aug 16 2008
Correction: I don't mean rent 'Big Arena'. I meant 'Big Eden'. Rent it anyway.
MarkGods 09:35:41 PM Aug 16 2008
Apart from the obligatory Brokeback reference, apparently in the world of "women's health" and AOL, same-gender relationshiops don't exist. Odd, that. Especially when considering that my partner and I (both male) have been together in a loyal, faithful, monogamous relationship for over 20 years. And that we are now married. And that more than 1/2 the straight couples we know have divorced. Maybe that's the secret - straights don't want to consider us as part of the relationship arena because we're BETTER AT IT. Re: the movies - go rent or netflix 'Shelter' or 'Big Arena' or 'Beautiful Thing'.Oh, and by the way, a "myth" is a story, legend or tale, containing or embodying a nation's folk wisdom and history. When did the word "myth" become a synonym for "lie"?
