Overcome These Obstacles to Sex

Overcome These Obstacles to Sex

Provided by Men's Health

Nearly everyone wants more sex--men and women. So why isn't it happening more often?

There are hundreds of reasons. But Men's Health surveyed 1,000 women and combed through the latest research to narrow down the list of the following top ten reasons. You'll find most of the constraints of modern society--time demands, distractions, stress, energy levels.

Click on ahead to find out how you and your partner can overcome those obstacles--and get back to having more fun!

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Late-Night TV
Here's a disturbing set of statistics: Italian researchers found that people with a TV in the bedroom have half as much sex as those who don't. And yet, 64 percent of couples keep a set in the boudoir. Try getting rid of it. John Stewart won't mind.

"Getting it on is about putting the brain and body in a passionate state--TV does the opposite," says Heidi Raykeil, author of Confessions of a Naughty Mommy. Can't quit? Buy a DVR and watch your favorite shows on weekends.

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Endless Bickering
Fighting over serious issues is normal, but bickering can cramp your sex life, says Valerie Davis Raskin, M.D., author of Great Sex for Moms. Unless compromise is easy, "it's often better to put minor disputes aside," she says. "You shouldn't talk over everything endlessly." In our survey, the most trivial quarrels were about the house. Avoid them by playing to each other's strengths. Then divvy up the decisions accordingly.

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A Houseful of Kids
If tantrums and diapers are polluting your passion, ditch the kids (for a night). "It's all about creating opportunity," Dr. Raskin says. "Spontaneity is enviable, but planned sex can be great, too." Particularly if you're not getting enough. You know that couple next door? They're probably in a similar situation, so propose a kid swap. You take theirs on Friday, they take yours on Saturday. If the neighbors are freaks, go home when the kids aren't: lunchtime. Nearly 40 percent of women would be willing to get busy at noon.

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Conflicting Schedules
Sixty-hour workweeks plus social plans can leave her too tired to tangle. But pumping up the passion at the beginning of your week sets the tone for days to come. If you're both schedule-driven types, start inserting gym time into your Outlook calendar.

Go to the gym together on Monday or Tuesday: Studies show both sexes experience a surge of libido-boosting testosterone 30 minutes after a workout. Shower and then hit the bedroom. "It'll zap stress and the sexual momentum will last through the weekend," says Michael Breus, Ph.D., author of Good Night.

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An Extra Slice of Pie
Romantic dinners are nice. But hoovering down that romantic dinner can backfire. Share an entrée to eat less and spark a passionate interaction, says Bunny Crumpacker, author of The Sex Life of Food.

"Choosing a meal together and sharing the dish can boost your sense of cooperation," she says. Your best bet: Whip up a dish at home--66 percent of the women we surveyed said they'd be more likely to have sex after a home-cooked meal.

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Job Stress
This one cuts both ways. Too much stress can be as deflating to a sex life as a litter of puppies in the bedroom. If that's the case, there's little you can do at home to fix matters--the change has to come at work. If your work is hindering your sex life, it's probably affecting your health, too. So have that talk with your boss to clear the air, change your duties, and see if you can free up some hours and some brain space that will revive your love life.

But ironically, a stressful job (or even a dangerous one) involving some level of competition, as in law or sales, can actually improve it. "Real competition can drive up testosterone, which boosts libido," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love.

"Being amped up by a high-powered, high-stress job is more likely to make you more sexually active" than idling in a cushy, low-key career.

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Boredom in Bed
A Kinsey Institute study found that nearly one-quarter of women reported some distress in their sexual relationships in the preceding month. One of the most common causes of dissatisfaction: boredom.

"The common denominator of satisfied couples is that they're very playful," says sex therapist Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Oral Sex. "My definition of sex is adult play. It should be fun and recreational. You should laugh and release all those pleasure endorphins. A sense of humor is an essential ingredient in great sex because it takes pressure off performance."

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Stuck in a Routine
The average man's sex life stays the same or even improves once he ties the knot. To ensure this outcome, do what good pitchers do--throw changeups into your nightlife at least once a week.

"Novelty is good for sex, and I don't just mean novel sex. Novelty in your social life," Fisher says. It can be as simple as skipping dinner to play miniature golf or listening to a live band instead of the car radio.

Anything that makes the start of your evening less predictable can change up the ending, as well.

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Her Body Image
The way a woman feels about her body correlates with how inhibited she feels in bed. Sure, complimenting her shoes validates her taste, and saying something about her eyes reinforces her beauty.

But praising her most guarded body parts--butt, thighs, waist--may be more important to your sexual satisfaction. "Women spend their lives trying to look good for men," Fisher says. "So a woman who feels she's sending the right visual signals is pleased with herself."

The surprising part: The very best time for a "nice ass" shout-out is when there's absolutely no chance that you'll be having sex soon, like before you walk into her parents' house for Sunday brunch. "It's a gift to compliment her outside of the bedroom," says Fisher. Praising her body at times other than when there's a bulge in your pants reinforces your sincerity.

Speaking of body image, men, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Maybe that's part of the problem. A weight-loss and workout program could be just what you (or both of you) need.

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