Steps to Getting Over Him

The Heartbreak Cure

First, You Cry

Go right ahead. Curl up in a ball and cry like you've never cried before if you want to. Save the stoic false bravado for some other time. This hurts, and it's the most normal thing in the world to cry when you're hurt. Just one condition: you only get three days for this full-blown crying jag. Three days. That's it. So make it good.

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Then You Consider Revenge

You're welcome to all the fantasies of revenge you want -- but they have to remain fantasies. It's that simple.

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No Contact Rules

No calling him. Not even just to hear his voice on his answering machine. To insist on revisiting something or someone who's caused you this much pain is exactly like saying, "That stove won't be hot this time!"

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No Retail Therapy

Extreme as that sounds, especially when you're already feeling deprived enough, thank you, I promise that except for the most basic necessities, this is not the time to shop till you drop. You're not in the right frame of mind to pick out anything great anyway, and you're bound to eventually hate every item you drag home because it will remind you of the misery you were in when you bought it.

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No Excesses, Ever!

Let's face it, your mind isn't functioning at its healthiest, most rational, most self-protective best right now. The obvious temptation is to indulge yourself in whatever might distract you, anesthetize you, or make you feel better if only for a few short hours. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, chat rooms on the phone or on the Internet -- anything you know perfectly well is both potentially destructive and habit-forming. List the ones that tempt you the most, and then title the list "My Worst Enemies," because that's exactly what they are.

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No Isolating

Let your best, most supportive, most positive friends know what you're going through, and tell them you need them. Don't leave it to them to figure it out -- very few of us are skilled at mind reading, after all.

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Weight Management

If your weight is higher than you'd like it to be, seek out a life plan -- not a diet -- that you can make friends with. If you're underweight or you're one of those women who lose their appetite when they're anxious or depressed, this is exactly the time to declare war on your lack of desire to eat. Stock your refrigerator and cupboards with healthy foods you like and eat four to six small "meals" a day. Your mind will thank you, your emotional stability will thank you, your energy level will thank you, and your physical shape will thank you.

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No Driving Past His House or Work

You know it's an utterly silly, sometimes torturous thing to do, but the temptation to do it anyway can be almost overwhelming. Proving once again that our sanity tends to leave us when our hearts are broken. When we have to struggle to resist doing something we know at best is just plain stupid and at worst could actually emotionally hurt us, we're definitely not in our right minds.

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Go Right Ahead, Think About Him

As if you need to be told to do that. It's impossible not to think about him. So do it. Have at it. Remember every compliment, every tender moment, every gift, every irresistible smile, every time he made you laugh, every time he took your breath away, his look, his smell, all of it, right down to the tiniest detail. With one condition…

The rule is that for every positive, lovely moment you look back on, you have to maintain your grip on reality and overcome your involuntary efforts to romanticize him by remembering an equally negative, unlovely moment during the relationship.

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Do Something Kind for Yourself

I don't care if it's taking that bubble bath you've been meaning to make time for, or trying a new hair conditioner or facial mask, or getting a massage, or luxuriating in the nearest Jacuzzi, or tracking down an old pal who's been on your mind for a while or filling a wall with happy photos of your life that make you smile (or will soon). The possibilities are endless, but the point is simple: it doesn't have to be earth-shattering in its significance, it just has to be a daily reminder to yourself that you're very much worth a little extra effort, and that you most certainly deserve to be treated well.

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