12 Kinds of Bad Boys
12 Kinds of Guys Who Are Just No Good
If you thought there was just one kind of Mr. Wrong, think again. The authors of "He's Just NO Good for You," Beth Wilson with Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D., present a dozen destructive men whom you're better off not having in your love life. There are some surprising types among them -- "the nice guy," "the pillar of the community" and "the self-righteous progressive."
Adapted excerpt from "He's Just NO Good for You"
From GPP Life, an imprint of The Globe Pequot Press
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The Corrector
He's always amending your opinions to fit his own -- insisting you like the same things he does, when he knows that isn't really the case, and he readily hints about his preferences until you catch on and comply. While you may think of him as particular or fussy, the truth is, he cannot tolerate views that differ from his. The onslaught of questions like, "Why don't you wear the red dress?" can be never-ending, but the corrector isn't really looking for answers so much as trying to herd you into submission.
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The Charmer
A dictionary might describe a charmer as someone who has the power to please others through his personality. While these men may be adept at figuring out what you like, once the charmer attaches himself, flattery and humor can be used to manipulate. Sadly, when you try to tell others what you're experiencing, they often don't believe "such a great guy" could do such a bad thing. Once you catch on to his charming façade, it can be maddening to see him charm the pants off of others.
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The "Nice Guy"
Genuinely good guys are kind, considerate, loyal, loving, playful, humorous, sweet individuals who truly like women and like anyone else can have bad days, grouchy moods and occasional tempers. The difference between real nice guys and destructive men who successfully play the nice guy is that for the latter, the negative characteristics are the norm. They can be impatient, bossy, judgmental and self-absorbed. Perhaps more important, there is an underlying agenda designed to keep a woman down.
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The Pillar of the Community
Graduated with honors; loved by his management team; pitched in to help orchestrate the local holiday parade ... the profile is perfect. However, it's woefully incomplete. These seemingly credible men have money or prestige or power, or all three, which makes them look very good from the outside. This kind of guy often uses subtle forms of verbal abuse, mind games and emotional terrorism as tools of control that go completely unnoticed by others, who are too busy admiring his new car.
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The Control Freak
Perhaps he calls your cell phone or e-mails you repeatedly, as if to prove his love and offer signs of affection. But the questions are always the same: "Where are you? Who's with you?" He presents his controlling behaviors as concerned overtures or love, but in reality, he's grooming you to respond to his beck and call whether it's through cyberspace, phone signals or face-to-face conversations. You might feel something's wrong, but you feel wanted, so it's often easier to just accept his controlling behavior.
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The Abuser
This guy's basic world view is that men are superior to women. These types often have dangerous tempers, can easily form a fist if a woman will not bend to their will and are notorious for grabbing too hard, accosting with "love taps" to remind us who's stronger, pulling hair, throwing objects close to us, and so on. For the abuser, verbal, psychological and physical violence are simply a way of life.
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The Passive-Aggressive
These men habitually send mixed messages in order to string you along. They contradict themselves in the same sentence, and characteristically have an indirect and inappropriate way of expressing hostility that's hidden under the guises of innocence, generosity or, more likely passivity. Like a perpetual teenager, these men need an adversary -- someone whose demands and expectations they can resist in order to work out their aggression and feel powerful in some small way. And that someone is usually YOU.
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The Self-Righteous Progressive
These seemingly liberal-minded fellows tend to travel in academic, social-justice and political circles, but they are much better at talking about high principles than actually incorporating them into their lives. These progressive types have an uncanny ability to gloss over their own behavior as they focus on the wrongdoing of others who display the same psychological and emotional warfare. This type of man is alluring because it appears that he wants to make the world a better place. Yet, he doesn't want to afford you the same rights he fights for so vehemently on the political or social scene.
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The New Age Man
The New Age Man has probably been in therapy to "work on himself," and he's attracted to a wide range of feel-good pseudo-religions. If he has problems with substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, infidelity, anger management, controlling and manipulative behaviors, he manages to avoid dealing with them. Instead, he prays harder, meditates more frequently and indulges in yet another self-help book. Rather than taking a look at themselves, these men "correct" our views, invalidate our feelings and belittle us in condescending tones with their superior intellect and "spiritual knowledge."
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Ciaron1985 04:04:16 PM Aug 20 2009
I'm a mom with two now young-adult daughters. One was in a relationship with the nicest guy, or so everyone thought. He was respectful, would help us with things around the house, and was what one might lable, the "ultimate Christian," even though we are an open family where religion is concerned, albeit very spiritual instead. When we needed to leave for two weeks for a family emergency, our daughter's boyfriend of two years (at this time he was 22 yrs. old), stayed at our home, fed our pets, and we trusted him entirely (and gave him some much-needed $$$ since he was a college student whose extreme fundamentalist and well-to-do stepfather refused to help). Our daughter learned about a year later, still going with this fellow, that during the time at our house, and in my husband's and my bed, he had bedded down a neighbor girl. In our very house! Also, while our daughter was in class during the daytime, and he was on break from his classes, he would have other young women over to hi
Honeyspell 02:35:41 AM Apr 26 2009
I would like to see an article about the great kinds of men we should "watch out for" and SNAG! What about the Chivalrous guy, who pulls out chairs and opens doors and gives you a piggy-back ride when your shoes give you blisters??? What about the guys who see somebody having car trouble and pull over to help push it out of the road or change a tire or give a jump? How about the ones who shovel the neighbors driveway because they are old? Or how about the guys who see a building on fire and rush in to make sure everybody gets out? Or how bout the guys who see a woman being bothered by a loser and step in to help her out of the situation? There are a dozen men to look out for and thousands to appreciate! My point is I LOVE MEN AND I LOVE BEING AN AMERICAN WOMAN!!! To all of you guys out there who know you are good to the core, keep doing what you do and dont let these crazy femenist man bashers get to you!Love,Women
Honeyspell 02:31:12 AM Apr 26 2009
Type your own comment hereI would like to see an article about the great kinds of men we should "watch out for" and SNAG! What about the Chivalrous guy, who pulls out chairs and opens doors and gives you a piggy-back ride when your shoes give you blisters??? What about the guys who see somebody having car trouble and pull over to help push it out of the road or change a tire or give a jump? How about the ones who shovel the neighbors driveway because they are old? Or how about the guys who see a building on fire and rush in to make sure everybody gets out? Or how bout the guys who see a woman being bothered by a loser and step in to help her out of the situation? There are a dozen men to look out for and thousands to appreciate! point is I LOVE MEN AND I LOVE BEING AN AMERICAN WOMAN!!! all of you guys out there who know you are good to the core, keep doing what you do and dont let these crazy femenist man bashers get to you!Love,Women
Honeyspell 02:28:57 AM Apr 26 2009
Type your own comment hereI would like to see an article about the great kinds of men we should "watch out for" and SNAG! What about the Chivalrous guy, who pulls out chairs and opens doors and gives you a piggy-back ride when your shoes give you blisters??? What about the guys who see somebody having car trouble and pull over to help push it out of the road or change a tire or give a jump? How about the ones who shovel the neighbors driveway because they are old? Or how about the guys who see a building on fire and rush in to make sure everybody gets out? Or how bout the guys who see a woman being bothered by a loser and step in to help her out of the situation? There are a dozen men to look out for and thousands to appreciate! point is I LOVE MEN AND I LOVE BEING AN AMERICAN WOMAN!!! all of you guys out there who know you are good to the core, keep doing what you do and dont let these crazy femenist man bashers get to you!Love,Women
CarsonBL 12:15:12 AM Mar 26 2009
What if all you wanted to do was make your boyfriend happy, and his family.And all they did was disrespect you and your family.Was it love or my illution that kept us together all this time.I wanted to do nice things for his family, and him.He and his mom made me feel that nothing I ever did was good enough.At first my accent was cute, years later with the same accent, now it called stupid by his mom and him.Was I ool for trying to make someone happy, and show them how much love I could give and shae???
krystalxlyte 02:53:26 PM Mar 24 2009
spot on about the new age wimp. had a guy lost two homes in the space of a year and he met these 'sweat lodge' ppl who aren't therapists and belittle him and discredits his feelings and rather than face his problems head on he'd rather take off into the woods with them for days at a time and leave me off to my own devices. needless to say he was nixed!
Rayalien457 07:22:35 PM Mar 22 2009
If a woman seems like she always wants to make you happy she's probably a keeper. I was lucky to find one unfortantly I lost her. Always appreciate what you have !
SilverSoul46 01:08:26 AM Mar 20 2009
I'm not completely sure all "church girls" are whinny cheaters. what about the girls who actually try to live the life their religion tells them to? Also I don't think all "City Gals" are pampered barbies, what about the women who walk to work or school (its the city many choose to walk than try to find parking spaces near their destination) who stay pretty much independent and are usually down to earth?
Brgkar 10:42:58 PM Mar 14 2009
How about a man who constantly checks out other women, even when his wife is with him? How about the man who drinks all the time, who's ego is much bigger than it should be?
BKs FiNeSt 88 08:44:39 PM Mar 14 2009
How would one identify which person they are? I genuinely read the article but couldn't find one particular category. Everyone has flaws, but how does someone go about correcting serious ones?
12 Kinds of Bad Women...You Tell Us Who They Are
Think we've treated men unfairly? Think women can be just as bad? We want to hear about the terrible kinds of women you've dated, married and dumped -- and what about their personality type made them bad lovers. Let your opinion be heard. Leave a comment.
