Arranged Marriages Hit the Internet
By Katherine Steinberg
When you think of an arranged marriage, you may think of people who barely know each other tying the knot. But with new technology, like the internet and cell phones, that idea is beginning to change.
When you think of an arranged marriage, you may think of people who barely know each other tying the knot. But with new technology, like the internet and cell phones, that idea is beginning to change.
8 Marriage Busters
Are You Aware of Your Bad Marriage Habits?
In this book excerpt, Sari Harrar and Rita DeMaria, AOL Love and Sex Coaches and authors of 'The 7 Stages of Marriage,' tell you which behaviors you should curb if you are looking to have a lasting and loving marriage.
Put Logic Aside
Life isn't the Starship Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either.
Peacekeeping Doesn't Pay
A "whatever you say, dear" attitude may keep your home quieter but leave you in the martyr's role. You get to be angry, defensive and a drudge. What fun is that?
Throw Out Distractions
Being hyperactive, fooling around all the time, and refusing to focus -- in conversations or in life -- is a frustrating attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues.
Quit Nagging
We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up powerful discontent on your spouse's side.
No Blaming, Criticizing and Name-Calling
These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor and cherish; lets you play angel or his or her devil; and don't address responsibility you both share for your marital happiness.
Stop Bullying
These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes.
Stop Stonewalling
Another stall maneuver, stonewalling stops arguments and constructive discussions cold. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it.
Ditch Unilateral Decision-Making
Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. But if you're making major decisions about your money, your time, your kids and your family life, you're acting without accountability and cutting off the possibility of joint decision-making.
Excerpted from 'The 7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy, Passion Today, Tomorrow, and Always' by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. and Sari Harrar. Copyright © 2006 by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. and Sari Harrar. Excerpted by permission of The Reader's Digest Association, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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As reported in the story on CNN.com, the internet, specifically online dating and mating sites, are changing the way arranged marriages are set up and how the people involved get to know each other.
For example, the cell phone has made it easier to start and maintain a long-distance courtship. With this new tool of communication, some couples find the term arranged marriage a misnomer, since they have gotten to know each other well for months, sometimes a year, prior to marriage.
The birth of internet sites, like Shaadi.com ("shaadi" means "wedding" in Hindi) and BharatMatrimony.com, also signals a shift in the arranged marriage dynamic. These sites offer parents a chance to create a profile for their children. There, parents can search for a suitable mate and introduce their children via the internet only after they have found someone they really like. BharatMatrimony.com even has banks competing to finance the couple's expenses through marriage loans. India, Japan and the Middle East currently are the most common places for arranged marriages.
While some people argue that this system is inherently flawed, there are also positives. One plus is that the in-laws take an active interest in creating a lasting union. Another is that parents tend to focus on the best interest of their children when seeking out suitable mates. As reported in the story on CNN.com, some children say they actually enjoy getting help from their parents. One woman talked about how hard it was to meet people in grad school and was thankful that her parents took a load off her by sifting through all her potential mates.
It may seem like a rapid shift in the idea of arranged marriages, but in many ways, the term has always been dynamic, meaning many things to many people. This modern take on a cultural tradition shows the impact technology has on our lives today.
For example, the cell phone has made it easier to start and maintain a long-distance courtship. With this new tool of communication, some couples find the term arranged marriage a misnomer, since they have gotten to know each other well for months, sometimes a year, prior to marriage.
The birth of internet sites, like Shaadi.com ("shaadi" means "wedding" in Hindi) and BharatMatrimony.com, also signals a shift in the arranged marriage dynamic. These sites offer parents a chance to create a profile for their children. There, parents can search for a suitable mate and introduce their children via the internet only after they have found someone they really like. BharatMatrimony.com even has banks competing to finance the couple's expenses through marriage loans. India, Japan and the Middle East currently are the most common places for arranged marriages.
While some people argue that this system is inherently flawed, there are also positives. One plus is that the in-laws take an active interest in creating a lasting union. Another is that parents tend to focus on the best interest of their children when seeking out suitable mates. As reported in the story on CNN.com, some children say they actually enjoy getting help from their parents. One woman talked about how hard it was to meet people in grad school and was thankful that her parents took a load off her by sifting through all her potential mates.
It may seem like a rapid shift in the idea of arranged marriages, but in many ways, the term has always been dynamic, meaning many things to many people. This modern take on a cultural tradition shows the impact technology has on our lives today.
