Coping with Midlife Stress
Turning "Crisis" into Transition
Acknowledge rather than deny your major life problems involving issues with your career and finances, relationships, body image and health, says Dr. Nathan. That way you can anticipate a 'crisis' before it gets to the boiling point, the time when most people feel trapped into making rash decisions.
"If you're introspective, and if you're aware of what's worrying you and bothering you, then you can make relatively minor changes that can help satisfy whatever's missing
in your life," says Dr. Stubits.
The consequences of impulsive action can be more detrimental than not addressing the issues at all, and can prolong the crisis situation. People who feel they have to change everything -- leave their spouse, quit their job, etc. -- and follow through on these desires too quickly may temporarily feel better, but "in a year or two they may wonder, 'Why did I do this?'" says Dr. Stubits.
Rejuvenate Your Relationships. Boredom, irritability, altered sexual desire, and increased affairs are all common occurrences during midlife crises. These can strain long-term relationships, leaving both partners feeling detached, says Dr. Nathan. He recommends replacing destructive behaviors with "more energy input into the relationship," meaning more time spent together -- alone together, more time spent away from work or other obligations so couples can avoid shattering the foundations of their relationship.
Don't Be Afraid to Reach out for Life. Often midlife transitions can be spurred on by witnessing the aging process or mortality of a loved one, or by anticipating one's own death. In a crisis situation, people are more likely making life decisions about their careers, relationships, finances and spirituality "out of a fear of death, rather than reaching out for life," says Dr. Nathan. He cautions that when people decide based on fear they don't always make the best choice for long-term happiness. His advice: "Make decisions from love" and make the most of your circumstances.
Focus on Your Strengths. Failure and regret are common feelings among the middle-aged. Dr. Nathan suggests working from your strengths, rather than reliving past failures. This phase in life provides a great opportunity to take note of what really is important so you can make improvements, says Dr. Stubits. She recommends several ways to put a positive spin on your transition:
Take up exercising. Eat well, eat nutritiously. Body image and health issues are some of the major complaints and worries of people in their late 30s, 40s and 50s. A healthy diet and physical activity can help you reenergize instead of obsessing over loss of youth or an aging body.
Work less. This can give you more time to focus on interest and people you care about, which provides a beneficial social support system.
Learning stress management skills like meditation, yoga and personal journaling. Keeping a record can help you resolve losses like the loss of a dream, a parent or empty nest syndrome.
Find Spirituality, either in a formal religious setting, or an informal setting like getting out in nature, doing something artistic or by giving life some meaning by doing volunteer work and giving back to the community.
Seek counseling if you're unable to cope with your feelings of depression, anxiety and regret on your own.
Understand that it's natural to think about the aging process. It can be a wake up call, "that maybe we need to be doing something different with our lives," says Dr. Stubits. Or, as Dr. Nathan says, this time of self-reflection and analysis is all part of the "richening of the human experience."
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