Holiday Family Functions

Holiday Family Functions

More fun, less stress

Kids love the holidays; adults, sometimes, not so much. Are we the only ones who think some family celebrations -- with all the bickering, resentments and watery gravy -- can make even a cozy hearth fire feel oppressive? Here, ways to have fun and truly connect with the people you care about most.

Life Is Not the Brady Bunch

Holidays are all about expectations. Will mom love my gift? I hope we do a group sing-along. You want the holidays to be perfect, but cut down the fantasy. Instead, think about what you want to get out of it all -- relaxed Thanksgiving with your in-laws or a New Year's Eve that doesn't end with a hangover.

Arrive Late, Leave Early

The traditional seven hour marathon -- drinks, dinner, presents, television -- is too much "together time" for most families. Shortening the party can make a dramatic difference. And if you're in for a sleepover, take breaks from the crowd. It's as simple as walking around the block or crawling into bed early with a good book.

Don't Drink Too Much

Many people use the holiday as an excuse to eat, drink and be merry to excess. Rarely a good idea around family. Alcohol, in fact, can be a real serious problem in a lot of households. When the drinking gets out of hand, all the old animosities come out to play, and hostile, regrettable or embarrassing things are said -- or worse.

I Hereby Present You With

You spend hours selecting the perfect present for your sister and she hands you ... a candle. And a re-gift at that. Newsflash: Not everyone's as thoughtful as you are. The best solution here is to discuss gift-giving -- how much to spend, what you'd like -- with her and the rest of the clan beforehand.

Same Old, Same Old

Holidays can cause otherwise sane adults to revert to their worst childhood selves. And that's not accounting for dad's sarcasm and mom's incessant pleading. If you find yourself falling into the same old roles, do (or say) something to derail that train. Don't get sucked into the craziness again.

Leave Your Baggage at the Door

Your big bro was mom's favorite. Okay, but after 30-odd years, that's not going to change. Focus on the now. You'll have a much better time if you practice forgiveness and try to accept family members as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations.

Meaningful Moments

Your relatives spend the holidays in the mall. That's not for you. Rather than sulk, seek out the people you really love and miss, and ask them for a little face time. Also, urge your host to set smaller tables so you could sit with your favorite cousin without listening to your uncle bluster on all night.

You Can't Please Everyone All the Time

Don't deny it: You're thinking you have to be an ideal daughter in-law and hostess; make the consummate green bean casserole and buy the best gifts. Not gonna happen. Stop trying to be perfect and comparing yourself to others, and realize that all you can do is try your best.

Sit Back and Enjoy

In the end, think about exactly what you're celebrating here. Joy. Caring. Sharing. Think about your family gatherings as if you were in church, synagogue or a mosque. You wouldn't be bickering with or judging others, right? Okay, maybe you would. But let's keep that on the DL -- at least while you're all together.