Why Women Just Can't Keep Secrets
By AMY LEVIN-EPSTEIN
From the big screen to the small screen, women have been depicted as rumor-mill mongers for a while. Now, new research is suggesting this portrayal is accurate. The average woman is only able to hold on to a secret for 47 hours, according to a survey commissioned by Wines of Chile. Forty percent of female participants admitted they couldn't keep a secret at all. Of the 3,000 British women between the ages of 13 and 65 included in the study, half also admitted that drinking loosened their grip on their secrets. Men were not surveyed.
Why is 47 hours the threshold for these loose-lipped ladies? It's not some kind of Cinderella-like clock, but juicy items percolate and get, well, juicier during this window. "We begin to think about [the secret], and the more it goes through our minds it becomes more emotionally charged. After a day or two, those tapes play enough and it gets us thinking that we need to act upon it," says Michael Sedler, D.Min., MSW and author of "Stop the Runaway Conversation: Take Control Over Gossip and Criticism." And in the digital age, responses to the stress of a secret can come fast and furious, because our ability to respond to -- or spread -- the gossip is all that more instantaneous with texting, e-mailing and tweeting, adds Sedler.
According to the survey results, the most likely topics to be traded between women included intimacy issues, affairs and how much they really spent on an outfit. This isn't surprising, according to Sendler. "Take a look at our [gossip-driven] television and magazines," says Sedler, who notes that sex and financial scandals are always hogging the headlines these days. Indeed, who didn't hear about the Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart sex tape or the Bernie Madoff scam? What might be surprising is that a whopping nine out of 10 women described themselves as trustworthy -- even if their behavior didn't point towards that quality. "[People think,] 'Just because I gossiped doesn't mean I can't be trusted ... 'I can keep a secret, I just chose not to,'" Sedler explains. In other words, an alcoholic might say that they can drink but stop at any point in time -- and any AA member can tell you it's not so easy. "Gossip is addictive," says Sedler.
But the news isn't all bad. Researchers found that 40 percent of women shared secrets with their husband, and, according to David Sloan Wilson, Ph.D., and professor of Biology and Anthropology at the University of Binghamton, this behavior has its roots in evolution -- and can be good for your relationship. "The evolutionary link is to confide in trusted social partners. It's wonderful that husbands and wives are encouraged to be soul mates in modern western societies," says Wilson, who adds research hasn't shown women gossip more than men. Another study conducted at the University of Michigan published in Hormones and Behavior found that gossiping may up a woman's closeness to her friend. This, in turn, lead to higher levels of the hormone progesterone, which combats anxiety and stress. So, you can rest easy knowing that spilling secrets may have some benefits.