Serenity Now

Strip Away Stress

Courtesy of Men's Health

The biggest health threat for men isn't heart disease or cancer. It's the out-of-control stress reactions that cause or worsen those conditions in the first place. We talked to America's coolest characters to learn how they cope. Steal their secrets and you'll thrive in life's pressure points -- like they do

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The Stressor: All eyes are on you at a critical moment in the game (or the presentation, or the ceremony).
Beat that stress: When you establish a routine, the difficult becomes routine. Chauncey Billups, a Detroit Pistons point guard, describes his formula for nailing two free throws to tie a game in the fourth quarter: "I know it's a big shot, but I don't even think about the moment. If I put more pressure on it, then it becomes a mental thing. I treat it the same as a free throw in the first quarter by doing the same routine every single time. I focus on the rim. I take four dribbles, spin the ball, and get up under it. My routine puts me into a calm state. It's just me and the rim."


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The Stressor: You've seen your friends' marriages, and worry that you'll end up with the wrong person.
Beat that stress: Ask yourself a few essential questions. Are you attracted to her? Do you play well together? Is she unselfish? Does she treat people well and talk positively about past relationships? Does she recognize her family's shortcomings and take corrective steps? Is she respectful of you? Does she share the soap in the shower? If you have a string of positive answers, you have a fun, responsible, thoughtful person at your side, says John Van Epp, Ph.D., a clinical counselor based in Medina, Ohio, and the author of How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk. That probably qualifies her as a keeper.


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The Stressor: Your boss is hassling you, and you're about to explode.
Beat that stress: Call a time out. If you're in the thick of battle, go wash your hands. Removing yourself provides the chance to think and not say the wrong thing. While you're gone, let yourself be upset. "Anger and agitation tend to be short-lived when you let them play out internally," says Melissa Blacker, a director of professional training at the Center for Mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts medical school. When you're calm, go to your boss and say, "What can I do to help work this out?" He's probably braced for a fight, so he's bound to welcome the collaborative tone. At the very least, you've expressed yourself. Letting your anger fester increases the chance you'll overreact.


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The Stressor: Your dad died and you don't know what to do.
Beat that stress: For 2 days every week, schedule 10 minutes to grieve. Unless you plan, it's too easy to dodge the sadness -- especially in the first couple of months after the funeral. And taking control of the process prevents unresolved issues from lingering. Shoot for early evening, when anything kicked up won't affect your sleep. Take a 5-minute walk to unwind, then pull out photos to bring the departed front and center. Now ask two questions: What have you lost? What's the effect? You see what's missing from your life, so you can shift to problem solving, says Michael McKee, Ph.D., a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic. Now hit the gym. It'll end the grieving session, and the endorphins will lift your mood. Overall, doing the two activities will model what you're striving for -- the knowledge that sad and happy can coexist.


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The Stressor: Your to-do list at work reads like a phone book, except it's less interesting.
Beat that stress: Add 10 more entries. Here's how actor Craig Bierko, most recently of Boston Legal fame, keeps his lid from flipping. "First, I keep in mind that on-the-job stress is an indication that I'm doing well. I could certainly experience far less stress lying around all day watching Ellen reruns. Then I practice something called 'the grateful flow.' It's far cheaper than Prozac. I list ten things for which I'm grateful. Remind yourself of the friend who's always been there, the fact that you can afford your next meal. And include your job. Sure, it's the reason you're making the list in the first place. But where would you be without it?"


The Stressor: Your team's success (or failure) is hanging on your performance in the ultimate contest.
Beat that stress: Focus on the now as well as the later. Martin Brodeur, star goalie for the New Jersey Devils, uses these techniques when he faces game 7 in the playoffs: "When it becomes stressful, I overbreathe. That opens up everything and makes me aware of the situation I'm in. I also make sure my feet are together as much as possible and that they're really under me. With my feet together, I'm compact. It's less tiring, and I'm lighter on my skates. As for when I'm not on the ice? Before game 7 of the 2003 Stanley Cup finals I booked a vacation online. It took me out of the anxiety of facing a game 7." (The Devils won that game, 3-0.)


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The Stressor: You're due at Grandma's, the storm is roaring, and you need to pilot the clan safely.
Beat that stress: Be meticulous in your preflight prep. That's what Rob Kinkade, a bush pilot, does before taking off for what he calls a "rodeo day" in the bucking bronco of Alaska's airspace. "If I know it'll be rough out there, I'll meticulously check everything two or three times -- the flight plans, my fuel, the wings. It gives me peace of mind. If I take care of the downside first, the upside will take care of itself. If it's rough and I see people worrying, I'll sing or make a joke or grab the stick with one hand and drink a soda with the other, to show that it's not affecting me, even if it is. I'm lightening my mood, and it's kind of contagious."



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The Stressor: You're an hour into the first date and it's going nowhere.
Beat that stress: Ask her what she likes about her best friend. Relationships are sources of pride and endless fascination for women. By delving into her life, you're trying to understand her, and everyone loves being understood. "It defuses a lot of the tension," says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of First Impressions: What You Don't Know about How Others See You.


The Stressor: Your kid's stressing but won't tell you what it's about.
Beat that stress: Take him on a long car ride. It's private, and there's little else to do but talk. Start out casually, and eventually bring up the struggles you faced at his age. He'll either identify or tell you that it's completely different now. Either way, the opening is there to gently find out which of three areas -- school, friends, or family -- isn't working. "You're getting new information and can take it to where the problem belongs," says Irene Goldenberg, Ed.D., a family psychologist based in Los Angeles.


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