Caregiver Support

elderly caregiver senior citizen corbis

Caregiving can be draining on you and your family. Here’s what you need to know.

Courtesy of Prevention

Chances are, if you're reading this, that you're already a member of the more than 22.4 million households involved in caregiving. Becoming a caregiver is a personal evolution and identity in itself.

Sometimes you settle in to the role gradually (Mom is less independent), and other times the shift is practically instant (Mom had a stroke). Regardless of how you come to be a caregiver, most of us are pitched into the responsibility untrained and largely unprepared. But there is help.

Remember high school English and the words of the English poet and clergyman John Donne: "No man [or woman] is an island"? Well, you shouldn't be either. You need the physical and emotional support of others, especially if you're the primary caregiver. You get that support by reaching out to family and friends--in essence, by building bridges between the islands.

These bridges are crucial if you want to thrive in your caregiving role. As Gloria Cavanaugh, president and chief executive officer of the San Francisco-based American Society on Aging, observes, "Caregiving is one of the most challenging tasks a person can take on, especially if the situation lasts for more than a few months. You can't do it all yourself. You need help, and lots of it."

As a caregiver, you're going to develop a whole new set of skills, not the least of which is reaching out to others. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it will build courage and self-confidence.

Perhaps you want to ask for help, but you don't know how. You can learn. Consider it a caregiver's rite of passage.

Ask for Help

Your immediate assignment is to figure out what sort of support your loved one needs right away or in the very near future, and what services you, or possibly community agencies, can provide. That way, when you approach other family members for help, you can be very explicit about which tasks they might take on. And you may feel more comfortable asking for their help once you see just how much you're doing and what remains to be done.

You'll need to assemble a caregiving to-do list. Experts recommend following these steps to organize the support you need:

Write down everything --including household chores, transportation, personal finances, and tasks of daily living (such as dressing and grooming)--with which your loved one currently requires assistance. Gather as much input from your loved one as she's able to provide.

Determine how often each task must be performed, getting as specific as you can. For example, your loved one may need a hand with mowing the lawn every week or paying the bills once a month.

Gather information about caregiving resources in the community, such as Meals on Wheels, transportation services, adult day care, and respite care. Remember that many agencies and organizations exist for the sole purpose of aiding caregivers like you.

"Contact just one office to start," Cavanaugh advises. "The person there can direct you to other places as necessary. You can make a lot of valuable connections with very little time and effort."

Once you know what various agencies and organizations can offer, go back to your caregiving to-do list, and mark which tasks they're able to take on, such as phone check-ins or grocery delivery. Be sure to keep contact information for everyone you've dealt with, in case you have additional questions once you've consulted your family.

Make plans to share your list with your loved one and with other family members and friends who make up her caregiving circle. This might best be done at a family meeting.

However you decide to move forward, you'll know you've done your homework, thoroughly researching community resources and all of the services they provide. You've done everything you can without your family's involvement. Now all of you must decide on your respective roles in your loved one's care.

Next: Family Meeting