Domestic Violence: Signs Of Domestic Violence

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Signs of Domestic Violence

Most relationships have difficult times, and almost every couple argues occasionally. But violence is different from common marital or relationship discord. Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse that a partner—former or current partner, spouse, or boyfriend or girlfriend—uses to control the behavior of another.

Domestic violence often starts with threats, name-calling, and slamming doors or breaking dishes, and escalates to pushing, slapping, and other violent acts. See more types of abuse. If you are concerned about your relationship, ask yourself the following questions.

Does your partner:

• Embarrass or belittle you or put you down?
• Say hurtful things to you?
• Dislike your friends and family and discourage your relationships with others?
• Make all the decisions in the relationship?
• Chastise you after social functions for talking with other people?
• Act jealous of people you talk to?
• Blame you for his or her mistakes?
• Try to make you feel worthless or helpless?
• Forbid or prevent you from working or going to school?
• Keep money, credit cards, and checking accounts away from you?
• Control access to your medicines or medical devices?
• Threaten to have you deported?
• Throw dishes or other objects?
• Abuse your children or pet when mad at you?
• Push, slap, kick, or otherwise assault you?
• Demand sex, make you perform sexual acts you are not comfortable with, or sexually assault you?

If any of these behaviors are occurring, you need to seek help.

Do you have a friend, coworker, relative, or neighbor who you think may be in an abusive relationship? Warning signs that may indicate that a person is a victim of domestic abuse include:

• Bruises or injuries that look like they came from choking, punching, or being thrown down. Black eyes, red or purple marks at the neck, and sprained wrists are common injuries sustained in violent relationships. An injury such as bruised arms might suggest that a victim tried to defend herself.
• Attempting to hide bruises with makeup or clothing.
• Making excuses like tripping or being accident-prone or clumsy. Often the seriousness of the injury does not match up with the explanation.
• Having low self-esteem; being extremely apologetic and meek.
• Referring to the partner's temper but not disclosing extent of abuse.
• Having few close friends and being isolated from relatives and coworkers and kept from making friends.
• Having little money available; may not have credit cards or even a car.
• Having a drug or alcohol abuse problem.
• Having symptoms of depression, such as sadness or hopelessness, or loss of interest in daily activities.
• Talking about suicide or attempting suicide. For more information, see warning signs of suicide.

Encourage this person to talk with a health professional.

Last updated:	March 20, 2008
Author:	Jeannette Curtis
Reviewed By:	William M. Green, MD - Emergency Medicine, Brigid McCaw, MD, MS, MPH, FACP - Family Violence Prevention
Editors:	Susan Van Houten, RN, BSN, MBA, Tracy Landauer