Alcohol Abuse And Dependence: Family And Community

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Family and Community

Alcohol abuse or dependence can harm your relationships with family and friends. You and your family may feel you have turned against each other. You may be angry at your family and friends, and they may be angry at you.

If you can, talk with your family and friends about your drinking problem and recovery. Your family and friends need to know that they did not cause your alcohol problem, but they can help you during recovery.

• Try to be open and honest with loved ones about your drinking. This will help them understand what you're going through and how they can help. Many treatment programs offer counseling for families to help you solve problems at home.
• Talk about what may cause a relapse and your relapse plan.

For family and friends: Encourage treatment

It can be very hard to live with a family member who has a drinking problem. It's best not to try to control, excuse, or cover up the person's drinking. Instead, encourage your family member to seek treatment. You may be able to do this by:

• No longer making excuses, such as covering up for missed work or missed activities with children. Don't lie or stretch the truth to help the person.
• Finding a good time to talk to the person. Say clearly how the person's drinking is harming you and that you will take action if he or she doesn't seek help. For example, you could say that alcohol use is causing money problems and that you will cancel credit cards if it continues. Be prepared to follow through.
• Being ready and able to help when a decision is made to get treatment.

Alcohol problems: Helping someone get treatment

For family and friends: Help with treatment and recovery

If someone close to you has had a drinking problem, you know how hard it can be. You know how living or dealing with someone who abuses or is dependent on alcohol can change and even destroy your life.

Once the choice for treatment has been made, you play an important part. You can help your loved one stop drinking and help repair the damage done to your family or relationship. Here are some things you can do:

• If you drink, decide if you want to keep alcohol in the house or not. Having alcohol in your home might make it harder for your loved one to stay sober.
• Be involved and patient. Attend recovery meetings with your loved one and be supportive. Know that it may take a long time for you to trust and forgive the person and for the person to forgive himself or herself.
• Be aware that your loved one may seem like a different person once he or she is sober. You may find it hard to get used to this person. You may need to rebuild your relationship.
• Understand that you have the right to know how recovery is going, but ask about it in a respectful way.
• Help your loved one plan for a relapse. Most people relapse after treatment. This doesn't mean the treatment failed. Try to help your loved one see relapse as a chance to do better and keep working on skills to avoid drinking.
• Focus on the positive actions your loved one is making.

For family and friends: Take care of yourself

Taking care of yourself while you help your loved one is important. You probably will feel relief and happiness when the person decides to get help. But treatment and recovery mean changes in your life too. Your emotions may become more complicated. You may:

• Resent what the person did to you in the past.
• Not trust the person. You may not want to give the person the house key, the car key, or money. You also may feel guilty about not trusting the person.
• Find it hard to give up or share your family role. For example, if you took over child-rearing when your partner was drinking, you may resent him or her becoming involved again. If you managed money, you may resent having to make shared decisions on how to spend money.
• Resent that the person is spending more time at meetings or with others in recovery than with you.
• Worry so much about relapse that you avoid anything you feel may upset the person. You also may resent this feeling.

These feelings are normal. You've been through a bad period of your life, and what happened is not easy to forget. Nor is it easy to forgive the person. Keep in mind that recovery is the road to a better life and that you can help your loved one get there.

Find your own support. Al-Anon and similar programs are for people with family members or friends with alcohol problems. Other support groups are specially designed for certain age groups, such as Alateen for teens and Alatot for younger children.

These programs help you recover from the effects of being around someone who abused or was dependent on alcohol. You also may try family therapy.

Last updated:	February 15, 2008
Author:	Paul Lehnert
Reviewed By:	Adam Husney, MD - Family Medicine, James R. McKay, PhD - Psychology
Editors:	Katy E. Magee, MA, Terrina Vail