Natural Libido Enhancers
Natural Libido Boosters for Women
By Mary Kearl
If "No, honey, not tonight," sounds familiar, you or your partner may be one of the many women with a low libido. According to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, 43 of women under age 60 have some type of sexual dysfunction, and decreased libido, or sexual appetite, is the most common sexual dysfunction. Find out what causes low libido in women, and discover natural ways to recharge desire here.
Romantic Cooking
"Cooking for somebody else, or cooking with somebody else, that says 'I care about you. You're worth my time.' And that's really the biggest turn-on of all," says Martha Hopkins, co-author of 'Intercourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook.' Hopkins had 75 couples -- ranging from first date to 50-year relationships -- test drive her recipes. For those in a long-term relationship cooking together can be an excuse for a date night and a chance to rekindle the initial spark, and for those on a first date it can be a sexy icebreaker, Hopkins explained.
"In the Mood" Foods
When it comes to aphrodisiacs, Hopkins says, "There's no rule, it's about the imagination. The brain is the strongest sex organ." She recommends foods that are quick and easy to make, so you're not exhausted by the time you're done cooking. One favorite? Chocolate that melts in your mouth, which contains cocoa butter, one of the only fats that melts at body temperature. That sensual feeling of the pulling of chocolate on your tongue, Hopkins says, triggers the same "Mmm" and "Ahh" sounds as lovemaking.
Addressing Relationship Problems
Relationship satisfaction is a critical part of ensuring sexual satisfaction. "If we are upset about something, we often bring it into the bedroom with us," says Calee Spinney, MA, and Project Coordinator at Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion. "How can we have great sex with someone we feel inferior to or don't get along with?" The effect? "Holding grudges, feeling like your partner isn't contributing to the relationship, not feeling supported, etc. can make any woman's libido disappear," says Amy Levine, sexuality educator and founder of Sex Ed Solutions.
Arousing Your Senses
Indulging in sensory pleasures, like your favorite music and fragrances, can have an affect on libido. Levine recommends, "Getting in touch with music that you loved when you libido was kickin'. Then you can graduate to new favorites. Go to Sephora or a department store and sample a ton of fragrances. Take notice of the ones that make you tingle." Sensory pleasures' power over libido varies, says Spinney, but she suggests incorporating different combinations: "Look for a new CD to play, blindfold your partner so they can focus on their other senses, use scented lotions for massage or try edible paints and powders!"
Loving Your Body
Low sex drive is often associated with poor body image, says Spinney. Her advice? Address this on a daily basis, by doing the "mirror exercise," where you stand naked in front of a mirror and name all the things you like about your body. Do this alone until you feel comfortable doing it with your partner. "This can cause one to feel more confident in their body and thus feel sexier, which would make them more likely to initiate sexual activity," Spinney explains.
Thinking Outside the Bedroom
There are simple activities women and their partners can do to boost her libido, says Spinney. She recommends filling a jar with notes of things that make you feel sexy, then get with your partner and choose one of these to do everyday. "This will remind them of their sexuality every day and keep this in the forefront of their minds, rather than putting this aside as many of us do when we are busy," she explains. Another option: keep a desire diary where you write down whenever you think about sex or feel aroused, which can help you discover and stay tuned to your sensual side, Spinney says. Other options include indulging in fantasies, taking turns giving and receiving sexual pleasure, overcoming cultural taboos and sensual massage.
Communicating
Don't let the distance grown between you. Telling your partner your sexual needs, and letting them know the little things that they can do to make it easier on you can make all the difference, says Levine, who is also an American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists certified sex educator. If they follow your hints and suggestions, "it can be an aphrodisiacEven if it's something as simple as washing the dishes."
Fitting in Intimacy
You make room for everything else in your life, but what about making room for sex? Dr. Brent Bost calls this the "hurried woman syndrome," explains Levine, and she says this is often the culprit of low desire (one unrelated to hormones). "When it comes down to it, the errands, childcare, job, partners other needs, etc. are all taking precedence, leaving little energy/desire, let alone time for sex. In these cases it's really about reprioritizing, and approaching sex as intimacy, not just intercourse."
Longer Foreplay
Opt for a quiet, comfortable place where your intimacy will go uninterrupted, since aging-related physical changes in your body may require more time to reach arousal and orgasm, explains Harvard Medical School's Health Publications. During midlife, women may become less sexually responsive because of declining levels of hormones and reduced lubrication. Lubricants and other sex toys can help prepare for intercourse, says Levine. Be sure to alert your partner so he doesn't misread your slower response for a lack of interest, which can in turn affect his libido.
